This is what I am
by blueflamefirephoenix
Summary: It's mainly about looking at life through Inuyasha's point of view, and the other teammates. ( spoiler ) Secrets about the charaters dreams, and feelings you may not have known. So please review.


AU: I read a little thing like this called I am what I am. Well here's my better version. Her's was good I admit but I think this is a little better. This is Inuyasha's POV so far, for my stories prologue.   
  
Since the first day I was born, I was known as a weak half-breed. My mother cried at the word. I didn't understand what the difference was until my mother died, because I wasn't strong enough.  
I only knew my brother for a couple of years before he left, and went off on his own. Mother and me only begged that Buddha would keep him safe. I didn't know why or understood why we had to pray for him. He never took care of mom, and he always brought up father.  
One night when I was lying in bed. I heard them fighting again. I can still hear those words that made my heart ache a pain; close to the one I felt when I thought Kikyo betrayed me. "It's your fault my father is dead. I don't know why he married, and loved you. Your weak, and your not my mother. Your that...that thing in the other room's mother. You've brought shame to demons, and humans. Having a miko son. You disgust us."  
  
"But Sesshomaru you have to understand..."  
  
"Nani? You dare to talk back to me? I am not your son, and so I have every right to kill you. You killed my father and you know it. You don't deserve to live. You're very lucky that I am sparing your life, and my little brother's. He shouldn't even be called my brother. The boy is only 6 and you treat him better then father. You are disgusting."  
  
It rang in my ears. When she died it rang even louder. I had a desire to become stronger, and make my brother take back the words he said. To eat crow as the old village priest used to say which meant the same thing. I hated him, and I don't know why he is was dishonored by me. But I will never know how my mother still showed love to the cruel monster called Sesshomaru.  
  
Years passed, and they seemed like eons. I grew from 6 to 13, and even then I wasn't even strong enough to beat a snake demon. I became harder on myself. I would act as though I was a demon, and since I looked of demon kind. I could make humans beg for me to show mercy. I had an ego all right. A big ego. Then I heard a rumor spreading about. About a priestess and a jewel. I was more interested in the jewel then the priestess, but that didn't become the case. I fell in love with the priestess called Kikyo. But there was another who loved her, a jealous man who became our worse nightmare, and whom I despise even as he lives death. His name makes me sick.  
  
The man was once called Onigumo, but then he turned into a half demon, half human, and called himself Naraku. He pitted Kikyo, and I against each other, and made us die hating each other. Then the most wonderful thing happened to me. I met Kagome.  
  
Now it seems wonderful but at that time, it was like another nightmare. When I saw her, and she didn't speak I only built my walls of defense taller and stronger. I wasn't going to loose my demon side yet, and let my human side over rule me. No. I was fixed on becoming a demon, and that was that.  
  
When I saw her I only saw Kikyo. She ran through my mind giving my gut I hurt and painful desire for revenge. I kept trying to make her say she was Kikyo, but I knew deep down inside that it couldn't have been, like a human instinct.  
  
"Kikyo...Kikyo who ever she is she's not me, cause my name is Kagome. Ka...Go...Me," She said to me. It didn't make sense. How could she look so much like the woman I loved?  
  
Now that day seems so far from my mind. The next thing I remember was going to the village, because I smelt Kaede's blood. When I had heard what happened I was truly tormented, and in grief. Kikyo's grave was desecrated, and I only showed hatred and the down side around this new girl, who broke the jewel, put me through hell, and put a spell seal around my neck. Now she's the powerful one sometimes.  
  
When I had to fight on the bridge trying to protect this girl, the thought of protecting Kikyo ran through my mind, along with the battle against my brother, and the gift left with me. When this new image popped into my mind. Her angry face, when I had called her Kikyo. Then I heard the little brat Shippo in which I even forgot how he got to be with us, came with Kaede telling me that, that troublesome girl had been kidnapped. I hurried to the destination. Then I saw Kikyo.  
  
My heart raced. I wasn't alone, but I could only see her, and no one else. That's how I wanted it to be. Then Kikyo and I had a face off, and I was broken once again. She fell from the cliff, and I felt dead. I didn't want to be alive. I wanted to die with her, or fall off the cliff with her. I didn't want to live with myself. I returned to Kaede and Shippo to see that the reincarnation was troubled. I could have guessed why. She knew why I had called her Kikyo, and of why I had almost kissed her that day. I didn't know her thoughts, and I didn't know how she felt, but I was sure of myself. If I ever saw Kikyo again she couldn't be there with me. Or us.  
  
The next thing I know we meet a perve who assumes I love this girl from another time. I hated using her name so I had always thought of her as just another girl until... I turned human one night, when all of our team was made. Of course that will be later on. Well now I think she has the monk who could love her, and I stay focused on being with Kikyo. Then we learn of Naraku. The monk is also plagued by this demon, except his fate was worse then mine. He had plagued his whole generation, and now he was to be the last if he didn't get an heir soon, or killed Naraku. Now he was on our team, and it continued this way for a long while. Then Naraku we first meet, and in person. I had nearly died because of my brother, and that girl was almost killed. Again! Now we learn it was him who caused all of my pain, along with Kikyo's. I was puzzled though. The words rang in my head, "But if she truly wanted to live then she would have used the jewel to save herself, Inuyasha. But she didn't did she?" They made sense, and I wanted to know why Kikyo didn't use the jewel to save herself. But it didn't matter all of the sudden, because I got to see Kikyo.  
  
I had no idea Kagome had found Kikyo, and Kikyo had made Kagome invisible to me and other people. And I spit the truth; every word and it hurt Kagome. Even though she knew the truth. She knew the truth better then I could tell it. She was tormented; I heard it in her words. Later on Kikyo tried to kill Kagome. I don't remember why I had been so mad before and then so worried, and angry after the incident? But then I knew I had deep feelings for Kagome. She made me feel like I could be trusted and I couldn't.  
  
Next thing I remember is Kagome and I sitting under the stars, and I'm human. I remember it like this.  
  
"Hey. You shouldn't wonder off like that. You know Inuyasha if I could tell you something and not be afraid of your answer then I would, but I have to ask you the question first."  
  
"Don't tell me it's about Kikyo. You know Kagome I loved Kikyo, and you should know how I feel. I don't get why women feel that way when they know the truth. Huh? Hey if you don't like bein around me then get the hell away! I don't need you ya know."  
  
"Inuyasha do you like being a half-breed? Really... and honestly do you like being a half-breed? I guess you don't like being human, because you feel vulnerable, and weak. And when you're a full- fledged demon you have hardly any control, so I ask you. DO you like being a hanyou?"  
  
"What? Na..Nani? You mean to tell me you like me as a hanyou?"  
  
She stared at the ground. "Hai... Inuyasha."  
  
That really made me think. It made me think about her, and about me. Then to me she was Kagome, no longer girl. Next thing I know Kagome and I are stuck with a sage, and this ain't no tea party. He tries to eat her. When I'm human again! My life is turning out to be worse, but then I save her, and she saves me. I have a dream that's the next thing I know, and it was this,  
  
"Inuyasha. Haru no suna hana. Mei toki sani hara. Sesshomarus, Sakura mentais, and Sakuri mentais. Soru taine tokaru. Teene ta wo." Kagome spoke in the language of the demons, and I knew this couldn't be real. Not how well she spoke it. When I spoke it was a growl, or demon howl, like a dog, then I transform into a demon, and I can't control myself, and I kill her.  
  
She says to me in demon that she loves me, and she wished she could of stayed with me for all eternity, and then she died. Died there in my arms, and when I awoke breathing hard Kagome was at my side crying on my chest. I put an arm around her, and said,  
  
"What the hell is going on Kagome? And don't give me that shit talk."  
  
"Inu...Yasha! Nani was going on with you? Anatawatashi were screaming, and growling, and speaking our old language. You... You weren't waking up. Watashi...Watashi was worried sick. You jerk." Then she clenched a fist and hit my chest. I couldn't help but smile.  
  
If you want me to continue then pls. Give me your answer here in a review. 


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